To the Death of Innocence
by Desenchanter
Summary: Do innocence and ignorance walk hand-in-hand? She would never know which led to her misery, or why she deserved to find happiness with such a handomse hanyou when she was still lost in the ruins of what was once her. Warning: Rape. Four-piece story.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Do innocence and ignorance walk hand-in-hand? She would never know which led to her misery, or why she deserved to find happiness with such a wonderful hanyou when she was still lost in the ruins of what was once her. **Warning**: Rape.

**{ .x|o. To the Death of Innocence .x|o. }**

"_Innocence is lucky if it finds the same protection as guilt_**"  
~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld**

[**…**]

At first, when the thought of a tranquil countryside filled with green grass, gracious crops, and a small village filled with common folk that could find joy in their straightforward lives comes to mind does it not seem pleasant? Perhaps even a small part of you, maybe just an itty bitty fraction, ponders what your life would be like in such a place, such a deceitfully childlike wonderland? Would you be happier with simplicity? Would the ample complications that came from progress fade?

Would you find bliss?

From an outsider's point of view, the village of Seijun seems ideal for anyone looking to get away from the loneliness of a large one but, alas, boredom must be a problem, wouldn't it? Yes, the youth dances, sings, and laughs together and the adults drink and share merry stories but would it not become mundane after a while? Would it not be too much of the same over and over again?

For the Higurashi family that was a blatant and boastful 'yes'. They were a family of four, a faithful father, a mindful mother, a satisfied son, and a darling daughter. For this family, though, generations of the same life became ever so humdrum. This family wanted more, this family wanted to be elevated, this family wanted to be prestigious.

Correction, the faithful father that devoted all his efforts to plowing the field for his family wanted all this and seeing as the father was the head of the family, the decision maker, it must mean the rest wanted the same, mustn't it?

No, the idea was alluring to the mother, a fairytale synopsizes for the brother, but a bother for the daughter. A girl of the mere age of sixteen, nearly a woman, enjoyed the simplicity of Seijun and wished for no other type of life. She could be happy there, she could find a proper man, she could form her own family, and never ever leave the village. Her life would be filled with content memories and her heart would never doubt that her actions were pure.

It did not matter what this girl of the mere age of sixteen wanted, though, to the father she was the ticket out of the bars akin to poverty that surrounded their village. No one had more than they needed and no one went without food, but this simply was not good enough for him. He wanted more and since she was but a child she had been scheming, you see, he could tell when she was but a child what a beauty she would grow into and she did not fail him.

There was a faultless glow about her, a natural loveliness that caught many of the young males in the village, and the reason he had so many offers from any family with a boy over the age of seventeen for his daughter's hand in marriage. None could provide the proper amount of dowry that he would want; none of them would raise the Higurashi family to the height he wished for. That was why he worked ever so hard to back track their family tree, to find some sort of connection _outside_ of Seijun.

He found his answer and felt an ecstasy he did not know existed when he devised a plan. To the far east the very well off family, the Onigumos, lived and they were faintly related to them, generations had passed, but it would be good enough. He could send his daughter to work on the plantation they owned, he could prove their kinship enough that the young master would most likely accept her—the young _bachelor_. How could he deny such a pretty face?

He gave his daughter the documents and sent her off and wasn't she ever the obedient girl? Though it was against her will she made her way across the land, from carriage to carriage, spending more money than she knew her family had to spare to get there. All the money she'd make on the plantation would be sent back to her family, she would see to it. The poor girl, she had no idea what her father had hoped for. He did not tell her to woo the young master, for he knew she would do better if she was ignorant of her actions, but he did tell her it would be very _beneficial _to the family if she found a suitable husband soon.

The young onyx waved haired, rather handsome, she thought, master took one look at her, another at the documents, and said, 'why of course, cousin.' His tone was so charming; he had an edge of high society in the way he talked that she had never heard. It was enchanting.

He offered her a place, a room all to herself in the house all the workers stayed in, and introduced her to those that would help her readjust to her new life.

"It must be frightening to go so far from home," he had said with a deceitful hand upon her shoulder, she had thought nothing of it, it seemed caring, comforting, "if you need anything, cousin, my door is always open if you need someone to led you an ear."

How kind, she had to admit; over the month she stayed there she had become rather smitten with the young master. She did not let that get in the way of her work, though; she was devoted to whatever task she had in hand and won the vague respect of those that had been working on the Ongiumo property for generations. Vague, was the key word. Some would give her the oddest looks when she was pulled to the side by the young master to speak for but a moment, she assumed it simply because she paused her work but… that was only because no one ever bothered to warn her.

The poor thing fell farther into his trap, like a butterfly stuck in a spider's web, and the worst part of it all? The other insects around could have chirped loud enough to warn the butterfly that the invisible thread was there. She could have diverted the sticky situation.

How could he be a bad man? He was such a good son, his father was weak and could not even get out of bed, there had been an accident some years ago that had left the elder man badly burned. The young master would usually leave her to tell her how he had to go check on how, what a sweet son, wasn't he?

The looks only occurred more often, her friends started to whisper behind her back, the other girls were the worst about it. She held her head high, though, and ignored it; she pretended to know the truth. They were jealous, Naraku, the young master, was partial to her over them. That was all, and she was partial to him, too.

Her everlasting dilemma did not start until the foggy, cold, night in the late months of the year. It was in that hazy stupor that her life would forever be altered, when the seed of sorrow would be sown.

If only she knew.

[**…**]

All the work had been finished early that day so they gathered in the farm in the light of many lamps to dance, singing, and drink to celebrate… life. They wanted to have fun, they thought they deserved it, so they pranced around, clapped, laughed, locked arms, spun around, and laughed some more as they drank more and more. Life was splendid for them, what did they have to complain about?

The unspoken horrors, of course, but who talked of those? By definition, they never should.

When the sun long left the sky they gathered together, arms interlinked, as they began off towards their shared home. Somehow, the topic of the young master arose, and he was not spoken kindly off.

"The stupid man," one of the elder ladies bickered, "he thinks he is God's gift to the world!"

"He makes my skin crawl," another squealed with a shake.

"He's as evil as—"

"Now, now," Kagome protested with a pout as she brushed some of her loose ebony curls behind her ear, "that's not fair. If not for him than—"

"Aye, that's right, little _Kagome_ is ever so smitten with him," a girl hissed with a narrowed gaze upon her, "you stupid thing."

"How cruel," she kept up as she yanked her arm free of someone she used to think was her friend, "you all are ungrateful."

"Ungrateful," one of the men chuckled, "ungrateful? What a dimwit you are."

"Dimwit?" She retorted in awe as she stumbled away from them, her feet tripped over each other and she found her intoxicated self falling bum first onto the ground.

"Aw, poor _Kagome_, if you are so close to your 'cousin'—"

"What's going on?" A rather menacing voice inquired, killing all of their smiles as all their eyes wondered up to the always well dressed man upon horseback, "cousin, are you alright?"

"Yes," Kagome meekly replied as she got to her feet and brushed off her dress, a frown planted upon her lips all the while.

"Come," he requested with a hand held out, "I'll take you home."

She could see the cruel glares those she considered herself friends gave her, she'd show them, they were just jealous, so she took his hand and let him pull her onto the back of his horse, her arms wrapped around his waist as they pranced away. If only she looked back, she would have seen dread upon all those left behind's faces.

The alcohol warmed her on such a chilly night, but it also made her lids heavy and with her head resting so comfortably on the back of her cousin's shoulder that she felt it was alright to close them. If only she hadn't, she would have noticed how far away from home they were riding. She would have felt the horse stop and him pull her off to lie her in a bed of dead leaves.

In her fog, that reflected the night so flawlessly, she could feel the chill upon her thighs, she could feel something pull at her clothes and push her legs open. It wasn't until she felt a plunging pain that her eyes opened and back arched, a silent scream left her lips. Her begs, and pleads for whatever was occurring would go unheard. Her hands would fumble to push the assaulter away as he bashed into her over and over again yet she was weaker than him, she felt tears cascade down her cheeks as sloppy salvia covered lips trailed a way about her skin.

If her mind could only function properly, if she had only drunken a little less, she would have been able to fully comprehend what was happening to her. Then again, maybe that was the one blessing the heaven's would give her. That night would be a fog, the pain would be vivid, but the actions would be forgotten.

The way he filled her with his steaming pleasure would be a void in her memories.

[**…**]

Her friends knew what occurred to her without her ever saying, she could not believe it… how could she be so wrong about a man she thought she knew so well? She was so stupid… so very stupid, and now she had paid the ultimate price. She lost something she would never get back, and so much more.

She could not marry now that she was no longer pure, it was a sin, it was unheard of, it was… not right. Now she would go on the rest of her life without the _one_ thing she really always wanted, a family. She gathered her things the next day and left to return home, she wanted to be as far away from her 'cousin' as possible. A breath in, a breath out, she would not cry, she would not… she would just leave. She would return to Seijun, she'd be happy again. She would… she had to be.

Alas, she only reached the outskirts of the plantation before she heard a carriage come up behind her, she weakly turned to see the horse drawn buggy that was driven by her convincing, cruel, cousin.

"Dear cousin, where are you going?" he inquired, truly, did he have the gall to see her after all he did?

"Home," she simply stated.

"Come now," he sighed as he held his hand out to her, a dull look on his face, "let me at least take you to the next village. It would be unfair for you to have to do so all by yourself."

"No, thank you," she retorted quickly but he kept following her all the same. "Please, stop."

"I understand I made a mistake," he muttered, as if it was a chore for him to say it, "let me make it up to you."

How? How could he make it up to her? Could he give her back her innocence? Could he make it so that she could, with a clear conscious, marry another man? No.

"I'll do right by you," he grumbled as he held out his hand once more, "I'll take you as my wife."

Why… why would she ever want to do that? Why would she ever want to become _his_ wife? After all he did, _why_? Then again…. who else could she marry? It would make her father oh so happy, too. Honestly, for a moment she pondered the possibility of what it would be like if she said 'yes' but then a loud, important, thought came to mind—would she ever have _children_ with that man?

No.

"No, thank you," she replied as she turned her back, "goodbye."

He pestered her for some time after that before he gave up, swearing that women were the bane of his existence before he turned around and left her.

Funny, he was hers.

[**…**]

She returned to a highly disappointed father, a pleased mother, a brother that was awestruck by all the stories she could tell of the land far away, and a village that was enthralled with her and the fine clothes she had with her. The clothes that she did not think she packed… the clothes that her crude cousin had given her back when she was mistaken into thinking he was just a kind soul.

How wrong she was, how very, very, wrong…

Was it wrong of her to feel so prideful when all praised her fine things? To feel special when all wanted to talk to her about what she had been doing and how it was like outside of Seijun? Truth was, vanity took her.

Until… the nausea got in the way.

Until… her belly began to bulge.

Until… she could no longer deny what had happened to her.

Until… her family found out her condition.

"He offered to marry you afterwards?!" Her father shouted, "why did you not say yes!? Do you know what a burden this is now! To have a child out of wedlock like this!"

It wasn't fair; she opened her mouth to protest but only felt tears tinge her eyes instead.

"You aren't allowed to go out in day anymore, we'll just tell everyone you are ill… damn it, Kagome," he hissed.

"You should have warned me!" She built up the courage to retort, winning an awe-struck gave from him, how often did she speak back to him? Not since she was a child, and even then it was a handful of time. "You shouldn't have sent me out in the world without telling me the evils of man! It's not fair, father! I didn't know that's all they carried about!"

All the same, she did as her father said, she didn't show herself outside but at night, when she was all alone on the hillside beside the village and watching the moon each night. She tried her best not to think what was happening to her, about what she would do, about what _had_ occurred. Though, the thoughts still came. Could she love a child created by an unwilling union? When she disliked the father so much? As much as her sweet soul could, that was.

The answer that always came back to her in small whispers… 'no'.

Did that make her a terrible person? Did that make her as evil as the man that did this to her…?

The itsy bitsy, screaming child that she bore was a girl. That was the opposite of what she wanted, how could she ever want to bring another like her into the world when there were so many like 'him' out there? What good was the innocence the little girl held if it could be taken so easily and without her permission? No, she did not want that… she could barely hold the girl.

For the first time since her return to Seijun, she allowed herself to cry for the cruelties the world through at her, for the unfortunate situation she was stuck in. She sobbed so hard she did not notice the heart that stopped beating.

* * *

**A/N:** This is sort of based off a well known book, I'll reveal it at the end or else you'll know what'll happen. This is kind of not that descriptive but I think the next chapters will, I'm not sure. It will be angsty, I'm just in that type of mood. It should only be four, too. So I hope you enjoy and please review.

And when I used the word 'cousin' it's not like your aunt's son or something, it's like a distant relation, how people used to use the term.


	2. Chapter 2

**{ .x|o. To the Death of Innocence .x|o. }**

"_Innocence is lucky if it finds the same protection as guilt_**"  
~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld**

[**…**]

How? Tell her, how is it fair such a thing could occur? Why did she even still wonder such a thing? Why couldn't she accept the world was wrathful and move on? Guilt tore at her more than the tears that fell down her reddened cheeks. Her hands were clenched to her chest and knees to her hands as she leaned her forehead against them, she could not look at the still small lifeless creature beside her.

Her heart… it just stopped. Why? She was so little, just an infant, not even an hour old, why did she have to die? Why did she have to go through all those grueling months to carry the child to term if it was only meant to die when born? Was it her fault because she did not… know if she could love the child? If she did not know if she could give her heart to what was created from a bond she wanted to forget all together? Is that why her little heart ceased to beat?

Would she find her place in heaven, would she be happy?

Another thought came to mind, one she was not proud of, but jealousy took over her for a moment nevertheless. That child passed before knowing any hardship, she truly died with innocence, and she would never know the agony her mother did… she could find some sort of comfort in that.

She couldn't look at her woeful mother, she didn't want to be around her now bashful brother, and she wanted to renounce her father. How could she stay there? _How_? It was not like she could truly keep the fact that she was with child a secret from the village, all knew.

The shame shattered her.

Her mother, the sweet woman she was, came through to help her. She had a cousin in a village far to the west, the _opposite_ way of her last venture, and had received word that she would take Kagome as her apprentice if she wanted to.

She didn't even care of what trait it was for, she left Seijun for the last time the very next day. Higurashi Kagome… Higurashi Kagome… she did not want to _be_ Higurashi Kagome, so she discarded the name once she reached the village and met her relative, a kind old hunched backed woman with one bad eye by the name of Hayashi Kaede. A woman that knew nothing of Kagome's trouble, of her past, of any of it… how the young maiden relished in that knowledge. No one would ever know what happened to her, what she had lost, she would put on a smile and be as cheerful as ever, she would devote herself to aid Kaede in any way possible, she would be _happy_.

Somehow… someway…

"I don't see why ye would want to, child," Kaede replied as she rested the fabric she had been working on upon the table.

"I… I just do," Kagome replied as she watched the old woman's every actions, who would have thought being a seamstress would be such a difficult task? How the old woman still threads a needle with only one good eye was beyond her, "please, obaa-san?"

"If you want to," Kaede nodded before she turned her eye to Kagome, a smile on the child's lips like always.

"Thank you, obaa-san," she gleamed back and with her consent, she would be known not as Higurashi Kagome but _Hayashi_ Kagome in her new home, Jinsei, a large village filled with so many people it took no effort for her to fade into the background. If she only grew up in such a place, than any mistake she may have made would not have been noticed. She could have just been one of the many wondering the streets, it was a funny thing about big towns, though there were so many people it was still isolated. Few knew their neighbors well, even fewer dared to call them friends, she would have hated it as a child but now… now she was not a child, not by any means.

At the ripe age of eighteen her life was already done, as far as she was concerned that was. She had lost the key to marrying in the chilled fog that was a vague recollection at best to her, how could she ever do that to a man? It was a standard, it was a _must_ for any woman, she would be labeled a harlot, and her husband would surely leave her after the first night when he discovered he had been duped. She couldn't do that… she'd just be alone, forever.

She could live with that… she'd just have to.

[**…**]

A hum vibrated around her as she worked, she couldn't help be truly pleased—even if it was just a bit—that Kaede trusted her enough to leave the shop in her hand for one day. It was her first time ever running the place by herself, Goshinboku, and she was sure to do well. She wanted to delight Kaede with how well she handled it, the old lady had been so kind to her without any real reason, sure they were blood but just barely and they had never known each other until the night Kagome knocked on her door. She couldn't imagine how she would ever repay her kindness, but she would try.

Thanks to her, she was never really alone. She would never have the family she desired, she would never return to the one she once had, but she could have someone by her side. Slowly, she started to wonder if perhaps she did not have to carry such terrible pain in her chest at all times? Perhaps… she could sigh one day and let out all of it, she could move on, she could stop thinking of what she _hated_ to remember, she could stop feeling guilt for a child she was uncertain she ever loved. She could live… maybe?

Maybe that would be allowed?

She twirled around with a thread laced needle prepared to return to the dress that Kaede had allowed her to try and sow all by herself only to gasp, jump, and drop the pointed thing all at once, her hand flung up to her mouth as her eyes widened on the man that stood there. She hadn't heard the chime of the door opening at all or him walk in.

"I'm sorry," he said with a stiffness about him as he knelt down to pick up the needle she had dropped.

"No," she assured on a weak breath as she gently took the object back from him, she couldn't help but allow her chestnut eyes to wonder about his features just briefly—he was handsome, but when had a handsome man ever brought her anything but misery? The fact he had long silver hair went by relatively unnoticed, the pointed matching ears upon his head did as well, it was his eyes that she was stuck gawking at.

They were… beautiful, the shade of the sun, how brilliant, she couldn't help herself.

"Where is Hayashi-san?" He questioned as he broke eye contact with her to look around the small front of the shop, the place where all the business was done, in the back was where most of the luscious outfits were put together by the woman that people knew all around the west as one of the finest seamstress there ever were. Some of the gowns she created remind Kagome of fairytales her mother use to tell her when she was young; it brought a warm fuzz to her heart each time that thought came to mind.

"She… she's out," Kagome declared, "I'm her apprentice, I'm tending to the shop today, if there is anything I can do for you I'd be happy to."

"You could stop staring at my ears, woman," he scoffed before he glared back at her; she got the feeling with his rude responds he probably got that often.

"Ears?" She murmured to herself, that was when her gaze moved up to see them twitch upon his head, "ah, how adorable," she whispered.

"What?" He muttered with a cocked brow.

"Sorry," she laughed with a nervous edge back, "I'm sorry, really, I didn't mean to say that… I wasn't looking at your ears, I assure you. I'm sorry."

"Then what the hell were you staring at?"

What a mouth, she frowned some before she placed her hand upon hers, what was she to say to that? The truth was always the best policy, wasn't it? Ha… but nevertheless, she told it, "I'm sorry… it's just you don't see someone with such eyes every day. They're very pretty."

His eyes widened as she turned about to walk behind the counter and pick up the book that had all the information about any order that may have been placed in it.

"Are you here to place an order or pick one up or for a fitting?" She coaxed, not letting her eyes leave the pages that she turned below her.

"You don't know who I am?" he asked with such a strange amount of astonishment that she had to glance up to him was a raised brow.

"Should… I? Have we met?" She was fairly positive that she would have remembered someone that looked like _him_ and that had such enchanting eyes, no, she was beyond 'fairly' she was certain.

"No," he stated before he walked over to stand before her on the opposite side of the counter, "I'm Tanaka Inuyasha; I'm here to pick up my father's order, Tanaka Inutaisho."

"OK," she chimed as she flipped through the pages until she found the right page, her finger glided down it to the fine scroll of _Tanaka Inutaisho_ in Kaede's old handwriting than over to find the corresponding number, "I'll be right back."

"Alright," he replied.

She wasted no time in going into the back storage room where all the finished clothes were kept, she found the one marked with the right number and proper name and took it into her arms with tender care before returning to hand it to the man, "our records show your father has already paid in full."

"Yeah, thanks, bye," the man nodded while he turned around to head to the door, she bit her bottom lip, did it matter? Should she ask? She couldn't help it; she was a curious soul by nature—and look how well that had ended for her…

"Wait," she called out as she leaned over the counter, she watched as his ear twitched and his head turned slightly to look back at her dully, "may I ask why I should know you?"

His golden gaze floated across her face a few times before it looked with her chestnuts, "you aren't from Jinsei, are you?"

"No…" but she'd never say where she _was_ from, not to anyone, not her new friends that also worked to tend Goshinboku, only Kaede knew.

He nodded once more, "ask anyone."

That was all he was going to say? What arrogance, she pouted as he left the shop without another word. Fine, when she headed upstairs—where her and Kaede lived—she'd ask her why she should know a Tanaka Inuyasha.

He was probably just full of himself, men, honestly.

[**…**]

"You don't know who _Tanaka _Inuyasha is?" Her dear wavy haired friend, Ayumi, had said in such an awe-struck it made Kagome feel even more ignorant than she surely was.

"Oh, Kagome-chan," Eri had sighed with a shake of her head, "you really aren't from anywhere near here, are you?"

"The Tanaka family essentially run everything in Jinsei," Yuka had explained.

It was true, she really was not from anywhere remotely close to Jinsei, so how was she to know that? She had every intention to just forget that man, to stop thinking about his golden gaze, and to focus on the task at hand but… her mind still wondered and for a moment she smiled because of it, was it not better for her to think of him than all that had happened to her? She thought so, until reality came crashing down upon her.

Remember, her still aching heart whispered, what happened when you were last so smitten over a man?

That shattered her illusion in an instant and her lips straightened as she readjusted the bag that she had been carrying. Early that morning Kaede had sent her out to go get new supplies for the shop, it took most of the day for her to find everything but now it was all done so she could return. Maybe Kaede would allow her to work on an outfit? When she was amerced in her work her mind tended not to wonder, wouldn't that be great?

What would have been best was if she had been paying attention to the _now_. If she had she would have noticed the man before her, the man she ran right into, "oh my! I'm _so_ sorry!"

"Clumsy, are we?" She heard a recognizable voice inquired, she froze as she shut her eyes, she didn't need to look up as she stepped away to know it was the very man that had been on her mind most of the day.

"Sorry," she whispered again.

"You figured out who I am, eh?"

Weakly, she pried her eyes open to look up at the hanyou who folded his arms upon his chest, "pardon?"

"That's why you are being so shy now," he stated.

"Why can't that be simply my natural personality?" She retorted softly, "I'm sorry I ran into you, Tanaka-san, have a nice day." She bowed her head respectfully, as she would do for anyone, before she turned and began off down the final street to reach the shop.

The shop that he came to the next day to place an order for his father.

The shop he frequented a suspicious about of times to check on its progress.

The shop where she constantly caught his golden gaze on her, blatantly, too, since he made no effort to look away when she looked up to him.

Men, she'd never understand them.

[**…**]

"Kagome-chan," Eri whispered, "why do you keep rejecting Tanaka-san's advances? Can't you tell he is partial to you?"

Perhaps she was once ignorant of such things, but she no longer was, and after two months of their path's constantly chancing upon the other's she could not deny he was making an effort to catch her attention. Why, of all the women in Jinsei did he want to court her? She had long lots the qualifications for such a thing.

"I am so jealous, Kagome-chan," Yuka whined with a fragile pout, "I've always been the one to take his order when he comes in, I always wanted one of the Tanaka brothers to notice me but…"

"Yuka-chan," Kagome chimed back, "I do not want his attention. I would be more than happy to tell him what a fine woman you are if you'd like. I will be more than glad to push him in any one of your directions instead of mine."

"Why?" Ayumi inquired with a raised sculpted brow, "aren't you honored that Tanaka-san likes you?"

"Yes, but we aren't… equals, he can do better than me, I don't feel that way about him," she couldn't allow herself to. She'd never become infatuated over another man, she had promised herself that a year ago.

"OK," Yuka grinned, "then do push him my way, Kagome-chan."

And so she would, each time she was forced into a conversation with the blunt hanyou she'd add in Yuka's name, mention how kind she was, hint to how cute she was, suggest that next time he ask for her because Yuka was far more intelligent and could surely help him out with whatever he needed far better than she.

Each time she did so, though, she felt a twinge in her heart. If only the futile feeling would go away… if only she could feel nothing at all, surely that would be better.

[**…**]

"Inuyasha-san is taken by you," Kaede brought up as she monitored Kagome's actions, making sure she did not fault to place a stitch in the proper location and from the start she had not faulted, not until his name was mentioned, that was.

"Ouch," she whispered before she pulled her pricked finger up to her mouth to suck on the wound.

"I have known him since he was a child, he is a foul mannered boy but he is good-natured. I have never seen him act this way towards anyone else, so why is it that you ignore his efforts? He would make a fine husband and it is clear that is his intention."

"I do not know what you are talking about, obaa-san," Kagome countered as she rearranged the fabric to start where she had stopped, "Tanaka-san treats me no differently than the rest. I cannot imagine why he would."

"You are a pretty girl with a kind heart."

"Perhaps," but she was a tainted product at best, if she told Kaede that she'd understand, anyone would, why she could never return his efforts, "our social status are completely different, obaa-san, it is silly to think anything else."

"Oh, but that only makes you all the more appealing to Inuyasha-san, it would brother his family for him to marry below them."

"Oh, how sweet, to marry only to anger one's family," Kagome scoffed, "I have no feelings for him, if he is treating me specially as you think, I'd rather him stop. Obaa-san, he seems to respect you, would there be a way for you to convince him to cease?"

"Is that what you truly want?"

"That is," she assured with a glance to the old lady.

"He will wonder if it is because he is a hanyou," Kaede coaxed warily as she crackly got up from her seat.

"You know me better than that, obaa-san," she whispered back.

"I know, but if you really want him to stop, if he thought it was… he would show no interest in you."

That got her to stop for a moment, to stare at the thread that was attached to the needle then down to the dress she meant to finish that night, should she allow Kaede to lie for her? Then he would never want to see her again… she bit her bottom lip as she continued on the task at hand, the old woman could take the silence whatever way she would like.

[**…**]

Alone, she preferred it that way the best lately. Two days had gone by without a sighting of the youngest son of the Tanaka family but that was not necessarily uncommon for her, a week could go by before he shows himself again but she hoped that Kaede had spoken to him, she hoped he would stop… for his own good, if only he knew she was not worthwhile. If he knew the truth, that she had spoiled long ago, then he wouldn't try but she couldn't tell him, she couldn't tell anyone.

By candle light she finished the dress she meant to have done three nights ago but her mind could not focus and she often found herself piercing her fingers as much as the fabric. Finally, though, she could hang the lovely lacy thing up and go to bed. That was, if she hadn't caught the chime of the doors opening. Now that wasn't right, Kaede was up in bed and had been for hours, Yuka had the day off, Eri and Ayumi had left at closing at sundown. She held her breath as she walked out from the back to see…

Her brows furrowed at the way the rather annoyed looking hanyou folded his arms and stared at her, "it is not polite to enter a place unannounced and uninvited, this may be a shop at day, Tanaka-san, but at night is our home."

"You don't sound so shy right now," he retorted as he walked over to her, "your grandmother and I had a nice chat today when I ran into her on the street."

"Did you now?" She murmured as she took a step back each time he took one towards her, until her back was against the wall. Everyone naturally assumed that Kagome was Kaede's granddaughter, neither of them bothered to correct that. She had never met Kaede's daughter, Kikyou, who had left Jinsei over twenty years ago but the timeline seemed to work out well for everyone and as long as it did not bother Kaede to let everyone think such a thing it would never bother Kagome.

"If you have something to say, tell me yourself," he demanded as he placed his hands upon the wall around her.

What had Kaede told him? Did she decided to tell him that Kagome refused his advances because of his mixed blood? She held her breath and turned her cheek towards him, "please, Tanaka-san, you are too close. This is improper."

"Is it?" he grumbled as he snatched her chin into his hand and turned her face to him, before she could protest, before she could process it, his lips met hers.

Never, in all her life had she been kissed. It was laughable in a bleak way, she had united with a man, she had a child, but she had never been kissed. It was a kiss forced upon her, just like… she pushed him away and placed her hands over her mouth and shut her eyes tightly.

"That is very inappropriate, Tanaka-san," she mumbled behind them.

"Why do your lips respond properly but the words that come out of them never seem to match?"

Meekly, she pried her lids upon to look at him, what was that supposed to mean?

"I like you," he stated bluntly, "I do. You pretend like you don't notice but I can't see how you _honestly_ can be so dense. Hayashi-san says you want me to stop because of my status? If so then why do you keep pushing that other shopkeeper on me, what's her name? I'm sick of it. I'm not interested in that one, I'm interested in you."

That was what Kaede had told him? For a moment she allowed relief to wash over her, for some reason the thought of Inuyasha thinking she disliked him because he was a hanyou disgusted her.

"Kagome—"

"Do you know what you like about me?" She snapped as she pried her hands away from her mouth to grasp them together ever so tightly, "you like that I did not know who you were at first. You like that I am pretty. You like that I am below you because that would upset your father. You do not like _me_, Tanaka-san, this is just a fleeting fancy, you will get over it."

"I won't," he assures her, "I want you to ma—"

"Don't," she whispered while she placed her hand over his mouth. She had already been proposed to once, pathetically at that, but if she did not say 'yes' to that man she could never say 'yes' to another.

His gaze flickered over her face for a moment before he pulled her hand away, he seemed to understand. He left without another word.

With complete composure she walked to the door and locked it before heading back behind the desk where any calm that she may have had fled from her with a shaky breath she dropped to her knees and covered her mouth as she leaned forward to try and keep the tears at bay. She could not lie to herself… she _very_ much liked him and would _very_ much like to play the proper part in the courting ritual but she could not… it would be cruel to him. In all fairness, he would run if he knew the truth.

Maybe she should tell him? He would surely leave her alone then.

Yet she could not tell him… she could not live with knowing how little he'd think of her then. Perhaps it was selfish of her.

[**…**]

A week flashed by her like a day would, it was just all so… ordinary that she barely noticed the passing of time. He had not once shown himself, she doubted he would. Finally, he had understood. Finally, he had given up… she didn't think it would hurt her so. She knew she liked, a great deal at that, but she did not know that she'd long to see him, to hear his scoffs, to have him bother her as she worked, to just… be there.

"Good night, Kagome-chan," each of the girls said before they left. Leaving her all alone to her thoughts and… she found she no longer liked being that way, with one of them there at least there was something to talk of, to keep her mind on anything _but_ the reality of it all.

"I've been going mad thinking about you," she dropped what the fabric she held, did she hear that or was her mind playing tricks on her? With a deep breath she turned to see him there once more, just like before, staring her down, arms folded, "I talked to Hayashi-san again today."

"Perhaps you should stop talking about me to her," she suggested wearily.

"She said if you'd say yes she'd be fine with us marrying, I even got my father to agree to it," he declared as he walked up to the counter that separated them, "so why will you not grant me the same? Why don't you want to be with me?"

There was only _one_ reason why she did not want to, everything else told her to say _yes_, her heart, her soul, but her mind that knew what was best, that knew she was not fit, told her to say no.

"Truthfully?" She whispered.

"Yes," he snapped, "that's always for the best. Just tell me. Tell me and I'll leave you alone, I swear."

"I do," she murmured with the sweetest sadness coating her calm façade, "I do, very much, more than anything."

"You… do?" He muttered with a cocked brow, "then why do you always act this way? Why deny me?"

"I'm not good enough for you, Tanaka-san, I'm not trying to be humble, I'm not trying to be cute… It. Is. The. Truth." She could not emphasize that enough, "I would make a poor wife for you. I am not meant to be your counterpart; you should find someone else more suitable. You surely could. I am certain almost all the woman in Jinsei would die for you to act this way towards them. Most of them would be a better match for you."

The confusion upon his face faded as he walked around the counter to stand beside her, his softened gaze was locked with hers the entire time before he pulled her into an embrace, a real one, her first heartfelt one. "I lied when I said I liked you."

"What?" She whispered, she couldn't help but allow herself that moment, to allow him to warm her with his arms.

"I love you," he assured in a hush, "and that's all that matters. Will you marry me, Hayashi Kagome?"

She took in a sharp breath as she shut her eyes, there was little more he could say that would pierce through her barrier more precisely than that. How she yearned to be loved… to have a happy life, to marry, to love someone else. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she rested her forehead against his chest, the truth was… she was certain that she loved him, too. "Do you mean that? Do you mean every word of that?"

"Yes," he stated swiftly, "every word."

He wasn't asking _Higurashi_ Kagome but _Hayashi_… and _Hayashi_ Kagome had never known the touch of another man. If he really meant each of his words than the fact that they loved each other was all that mattered, wasn't it? Not that she was impure, not that he would not be her first… she'd hate herself forever for her moment of weakness, she'd feel her soul pull apart from her choice, but she gave her answer all the same.

"Yes, Tanaka-san, yes."

[**…**]

The wedding had finished, she had found the will power to go through with all of it, to shame him… but she tried not to think like that, she tried to play off that her tears were of joy after they were unified in front of so many, and he believed her, he smiled and kissed her forehead before leading her to the ceremony afterwards were their friends and family would celebrate the marriage and wish them the best, where they would make their final appearance before disappearing for a week to be alone in a quaint cottage in the countryside.

There, she was certain, she would be found out, and he would leave her after their first night together. At least she'd know what it was like to be with a man she cherished...

"I'd like to make a toast," one of Inuyasha's friends declared as he stood up, a glass raised in the air, "let's drink tonight to the death of innocence."

It was a joke, she knew it, many even laughed at it, but nothing else could have torn at her worst that moment, nothing could have brought the sting of tears back. The words were ever so true.

And, that night, she would do just that. Before, though her hymen was broken, though she had a baby, though she was no longer a child, she still had one bit of virtue to her, she had never dragged another into her mayhem, she had never _lied_.

That night, she drank to the death of her innocence, that night, she would be found out by the man she had grown to love, that night would be the last one she ever would want to live through.

That much, she was sure of.


	3. Chapter 3

**{ .x|o. To the Death of Innocence .x|o. }**

"_Innocence is lucky if it finds the same protection as guilt_**"  
~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld**

[**…**]

Her heart shook the entire carriage ride out of town, through the gracious fields that reminded her too much of home, and up the hill where their quaint cottage awaited them for a week of seclusion. Every bit of her shook, actually, she had to clasp her hands together to make them stay still, she had to will herself to breath steadily, she had to constantly look out the window instead of at her new husband to keep him from noticing how all the blood seemed to rush to her hot cheeks. Though, it was all for naught, he could hear how her heart beat quickened the closer they got.

Would he simply mistake it for anxiety over her first time?

It would be… in one way, she honestly hadn't a clue what to do, but her barrier had been broken long ago, he would surely notice, everyone said that man could tell when a woman was untouched and when a woman was.

He'd hate her after tonight, no, in just a few hours. He'd leave her, curse her, and he'd have every right to. How deeply would it shame his family, _him_, to learn he took on an impure wife? She loathed herself for doing this to him, she hated how he took her hand with tender care and led her up the stairs to the bedroom, she wanted to slap herself when he told her not to worry, that he loved her…

She would come clean after their encounter; she just wanted to know what it felt like to give herself to someone that actually _owned_ her heart. What was she to do when he threw her out? She could no longer return to Jinsei… perhaps fate would cease to be cruel to her and just let her die at the ripe age of nineteen?

Suffocation swarmed her, the air was too thick, her heart beat with too much haste, she couldn't fill her lungs enough as he slowly lied her upon the _soft_ bed instead of _dead_ leaves, as he lightly kissed her neck instead of slobbering it, as he slid off her clothes with tentative care instead of tearing them. All the same, her eyes were tightly shut, she couldn't watch him, she couldn't take it if he was lovingly looking at her while she betrayed his trust.

"Kagome," he whispered, sending shivers about her entity, "Kagome, open your eyes."

No, no, she could not do that, she turned her head and pressed her lids closed all the more.

"Kagome," he murmured into her ear while one of his grand hands gently pushed her thighs apart so he could press his naked body against hers, "open your eyes for me. You don't need to be so scared; I'm not going to hurt you. This is a first time for the both of us, there's nothing to be ashamed of."

A twinge of tears threatened to break free at that, she bit her bottom lip and muffled a sniffle, what a lie…

"Kagome, please, look at me, I want to look into your eyes."

Only after she was certain no water would breach did she finally let her lids flicker open to look up into his golden gaze filled with… compassion, it killed her all the more, "I'm…" not right for you, no good, impure, the worst woman in all the world, one of these things she was certain she should say but instead only a single word came out and it was just as true, "scared."

"I know," he smiled, "I could tell, you aren't very good at hiding your emotions. I'm keen on that, I have a wife that could never lie."

She nodded, not able to form a word, how cruel he was to bash in her guilt more and more without even knowing what he did.

"I'll be gentle, don't worry," he assured before he let their lips meet, she was shy and unskilled at the technique behind the act, confused when his tongue thrust into her mouth, muffled to try and keep up with the proper dance. _Thrilled_ to feel a new sensation below, it was not _him_, not all of him at least, but it felt good. Too good, she didn't deserve it. The way one digit worked her below, in and out, swirl about, and another rubbed the pearl that only made her throb more.

"In… Inuyasha," she moaned while she tightened her arms around his neck and gasped in air, not at all noticing the way his face lit-up at hearing her finally say _Inuyasha_ instead of _Tanaka-san_, they hadn't rushed into marriage, a few months had passed, and though he often requested she stop calling him that she never did.

Not until now, and that only fueled his efforts as he withdrew himself from her damp region, "are you ready, Kagome?"

She pressed her lips and nodded, it wouldn't hurt her like it did before… it was supposed to hurt, right? So she should pretend it did? No, she wouldn't bother to. She'd confess her sins afterwards, no need to deepen the lie. She inhaled swiftly as he plunged in with delicacy, at first he was cautious of each thrust but when her heart beat quickened along with her breath he decided he wasn't hurting her, that they could proceed.

Moans echoed back and forth between them, she held him tighter with each plunge, tears still trickled down her cheeks, and their lips still met more often than anything else. She could swear on top of all that, their heart beats matched as the swirling pleasure kept her head spinning as they went higher and higher.

She called out his name before she felt a bliss she had never known, in her haze of glory she barely heard him say hers as he followed suit, filling her to the hilt with his seeds.

It was _him_, the man she loved, the man that held her heart, so it did not disgust her to feel him in her, to feel his fluids consume her like they did.

She shut her eyes as he collapsed upon her to steady his breath, her arms still about his neck, she could still feel him inside her… it would be the last time she did. She only needed a few more moments to gain the courage to confess everything.

"Kagome," he muttered while he pried himself away from her and _out_ of her to rest on his side to stare down at her, "Kagome… open your eyes."

His tone was… different, he had caught her, she knew it as she swallowed and did as he demanded to look anywhere but him until he grabbed her chin and swiftly tilted her face his way, her eyes locked with his as she pressed her lips together and held her breath.

His golden gaze shifted across her face a few times before they settled on her eyes, he took a breath before speaking, "that… wasn't so scary, now was it?"

Her heart dropped and body loosened up right away, did… he not notice? Was it a lie that a man could tell? "No…"

"Then stop crying," he whispered as he whipped a tear away with his thumb, "you love me a great deal, don't you?"

"_Yes_," she earnestly did, every bit of her, somehow her heavy heart lightened when she saw that stupid cocky grin she had grown so fond of raise his lips.

"Then, do you trust me?"

"Yes…" this time, she was more wary to reply, mischief gleamed in his golden orbs.

"Then trust me when I say we can do that again, now."

"Inuyasha," she gasped as he pulled her into his embrace. It… was wrong, but what wasn't lately? If he didn't notice… then she would not ruin the moment. She'd tell him… later.

Or… never, she did so enjoy it when he held her close, in his safe, warm, embrace that she found she loved to fall asleep in. It had been years since she felt so secure, as if for once nothing could go wrong.

[**…**]

"Kagome," Inuyasha muttered as he traced his fingers lightly up and down her back, his gentle gaze upon the girl who seemed to be content to just have her head in his lap all morning long. "You know… maybe we should try to leave the cottage every once and a while, maybe even the room?"

A pout coaxed across her lips as she pulled away to prop herself up with her arms only slightly, by no means did she intend to push her bosom together like she did in the process, "is that what you want to do?"

A smile broke across his face before he chuckled, "you don't understand what you do to me, do you? You have no idea what type of signs you are sending me right now, do you?"

No… not even a little bit, her frown only deepened, "what do you mean?"

"Nothing," he whispered back before grasping her wrist and pulling her up for a kiss, one she learned over the few days they had been man and wife meant _one_ thing was to come. She was more than happy to allow him to 'dominate' her once more, was it wrong that she enjoyed it so much? That the more often they did it, the less she wanted to tell him the truth? The more the voice that whispered evil things to her told her _never ever_ tell him, if he was too stupid to figure it out then _never ever_ ruin what she had.

The lighter, kinder, whisper rationalized it in a different way, one she decided she just might be able to live with. She loved him, dearly, endlessly, and wanted nothing more than to make him happy. Obviously telling him the truth would only upset him, shame him, and maybe even more so would it not be her duty as his lover and wife to just… not tell him? It was a lie but a pretty one and one she could live with… though, the guilt would never leave her heavy soul.

He took her again in the bed they rarely left, all the while whispering how he loved her, how precious she was… and she whispers all of it back in gasps and moans.

[**…**]

No, truly? Could it be? But, how couldn't it? It had to be, didn't it? There was little else that could explain what was occurring. All the symptoms were there… just like last time, the nausea, the fatigue, the broken blood cycle, and… it had to be. She was with child, there was no other explanation. It did not seem like it was that long ago since she returned from the vacation with her husband, the event that was meant to last only a week but ended up being two. On their arrival, all her things had already been moved from Kaede's to her new home with her _husband_—she couldn't help but say that more and more, to smile even.

Why was she so surprised? It made sense that she would be, those two weeks they mingled constantly and it did not stop in their few months of returning. Would he be happy?

He worked often, doing whatever it was he did for his family's business that seemed to 'rule' Jinsei, it was none of _her_ business to know his, she was simply his wife, so she didn't bother him and he never seemed to want to talk about it. He disliked whatever it was he did, but not enough to complain, just enough to want to forget it the moment he returned. That left her plenty of time alone in their spacious home, there was plenty of space for a few children… each time such a thought came to mind tears threatened to break out. More often, they did.

The 'what if's haunted her constantly, both when her husband was with her and when he was away. Usually they were worse when she was alone… _what if_ her child—that may or may not be there—died after birth like her last…? _What if_ something went wrong with the pregnancy? Wasn't everything going brilliantly lately so something just had to give? Wouldn't fate take what she held most precious? A child with the man she loved _would_ be ever so precious.

"Kagome," oh, here they go again, she knew that tone, the same question was to come again, "is there something wrong?"

"Of course not, I'd tell you if there was," she always replied, making sure she was busy doing this or that all the while so she could appear distracted and not a blatant _liar_.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Lately…" she'd been going to bed earlier than him, pretending to be fast asleep when he came up, avoided any intimacy with him, and most contact with him at that. She was easy to read, he always said, so she didn't want to be found out, not yet… she hadn't gone to a doctor, she wanted to verify her suspicions before bothering her busy husband with her troubles.

Yet, a month had passed since the symptoms started, so what was really keeping her from going…?

The fear, of course.

"Kagome," why was he so persistent today?

"Do you not have to go to work?" she inquired as she spun around to look at him, for a moment she had to grab the table behind her. The room didn't seem to stop want swirling for a moment or two.

"Not today, why?" He muttered with a narrowed gaze, "would you rather I be at work? I barely see you lately; we shouldn't be at that stage of the marriage yet. We've barely been married for four months."

He took a step closer to her with his arms ominously folded upon his chest yet that was not what had her attention, the dizziness that faded from head to toe had her dully awareness, "I…" what were they talking about?

"You?" He dragged out mockingly, yes, that was the childish man she came to cherish. Somehow, she just couldn't keep herself up, not even with the support of the table. It was probably the pesky fact that her knees gave way, "Kagome!"

She didn't hit the ground so he had to have caught her, "I'm… fine."

"What's wrong?" he sped, "I'm going to get a doctor, OK? Just—"

"I know what's wrong," she whispered as she rested her head against his chest.

"What is?" She barely heard him say before all faded away.

[**…**]

Was it that night or the next when she slowly opened her lids to see she had been moved to their bedroom, she was ever so thankful for how comfortable the bed was at that moment but she couldn't seem to recall how she ended up there… it gradually came back to her when she focused in on the objects in the room, namely one. Her darling, devoted, husband had pulled up a chair to her side of the bed and now rested his head on his folded arms upon their bed.

She couldn't help but smile as she reached her hand out to run her fingers through his hair, she didn't want to keep her secret to herself anymore… she wanted to tell someone, to at least say it aloud, so why not confess to her sleeping love? "I think I'm pregnant."

An adorable ear twitched at that, her heart stopped, he… he didn't actually hear that, did he? He answered that by lifting his head off the bed to look at her with the widest eyes, he… he hadn't been asleep? It was just her luck. She swallowed, staring with the same awe-struck gaze back at him, "you… you are awake?"

"You do?" he whispered, "you really think so?"

"I—"

"I'll go get the doctor again," she had every intention of telling him not to but he was out the door well before she could process what he had even said.

Oh, dear…

[**…**]

Almost always she had a hand or two on her budding abdomen, her husband was beyond happy to hear that her suspicious were correct, that they were to be parents. More so, his father was pleased to hear that so shortly after marrying they were already about to produce an heir—well, maybe. Her brother-in-law who was the next heir to take over the family name had only a daughter and that would not do, so in less he had a son before his demise than her son would take over.

And it was a boy; she wanted it to be, so she willed it so. The fact that he'd be an 'heir' hadn't anything to do with it; she just… couldn't bare another girl. She hadn't thought of her, the little nameless baby that no one knew she ever had but the family she no longer spoke to. Was it wrong? Shouldn't someone have loved that child, even for the hour it lived? Maybe… but this time she would not make that same mistake, she loved the child growing within her more so than her own life.

Her anxiety of constantly hiding fundamental parts of her past from Inuyasha was overshadowed by the constant worry of what if this child ended up like the last? Her heart would never be able to take that. Anything, _anything_, could happen besides that.

All those worries often faded, though, because the man she loved so was always there to sooth them away with pretty words. Rarely did he ever leave her for more than a few hours; she was horrid at trying to keep her fears from him and with enough coaxing told him all of them 'what if something goes wrong?' 'what if this and what if that?' and he would somehow find an answer that was good enough at the time to allow her to sleep through the night.

Without him, she would be nothing, she was sure. Every part of her loved him, well, every part that was no on reserve for their child. _Their_, a child made from love not lewd lust.

A boy came in the late months of summer and though it was generally not allowed her husband refused to leave her side during the whole ordeal, he had to be there, he constantly assured everyone, or else his wife would worry her head off and not focus. There was little anyone could do to keep him away from her, too, so all gave up after an hour or two.

"It usually is far more taxing and takes a few hours longer for a first time mother," her midwife had mentioned in passing, a sincere smile upon her face as she prepared to get rid of the ruined sheets, "you are lucky, Tanaka-san. I'm glad all went so well for you two."

Inuyasha thanked her, not thinking a thing of it, but Kagome's heart sank into her stomach. It wasn't her first time… it would never be, but the boy in her arms grasped at her loose, messy ebony curls to catch her attention then.

She could feel tears in her eyes as she looked down to the darling that she would do anything and everything for, just like she would her husband. A brush of lips upon her head got her to look from the baby boy over to her golden eyed lover who had the most touching smile on his face as he gently took her back to rest on him.

Her son would never know her hardships, that was why she wanted a boy. He could never feel the misery she did… he would be the one to instigate it in a girl if anything. Though, she'd never let him. She'd raise him right, she'd put all her efforts into him and him alone.

… perhaps life did not have to be so cruel after all?

* * *

**A/N:** Half of you were expecting some sort of misery and him doing something cruel after their first time, huh? Well, don't think that all the drama is finished yet. There's still one final very eventful chapter left.

Thank you for reading and to all those who have reviewed. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.


	4. Chapter 4

**{ .x|o. To the Death of Innocence .x|o. }**

"_Innocence is lucky if it finds the same protection as guilt_**"  
~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld**

[**…**]

A happy family, could she ask for anything more? No, and she never did. A smile accented her pretty features while she watched her handsome husband chase around their handful of a four-year-old who simply refused to stay in one place for too long, ever since he learned how to walk he just couldn't stay still. Once, she had requested the nearly-asleep Inuyasha simply to watch their son for a few minutes while she went to get something upstairs, when she returned he was gone. Utter panic struck her until she rushed out of the house to see a few children from across the street had stopped her little boy from walking too far, though he kept trying to even with the older children holding onto his shirt. Of course, her hanyou felt awful about it for days and never let the same mistake happen twice.

Finally, she laughed lightly as Inuyasha caught the never stopping child and lugged him over his shoulder.

"We shouldn't have named him Junichi," Inuyasha muttered while he tried to keep the boy that ought to be taking his nap still, "he's the opposite of obedient."

"Blah," the little silver haired, golden eyed child retorted, "I don't want to go to sleep."

"Then just stop running around the house, your sister can't sleep with the pitter patter of your feet."

That earned a pout and a compliant nod; of course, the moment his father set him down he jetted up the stairs to run around there instead.

He just had to take a sharp breath in and try and tame his temper, that kid had always been an onerous one and he was certain always would, "you know, Kagome, honey, you can put Yuuki down every once in a while. You don't need to treat her like a baby anymore and she's not as…" he pressed his lips before not saying the first word that came to mind, "bothersome as Junichi."

"You can't understand," she murmured as she readjusted her slumbering raven haired darling in her arms, she was _precious_ and pure, but a girl all the same. She would never let the same fate befall on her; she'd protect her and warn her of the danger of the worlds like her mother never did…

"What?" He grumbled before plopping down on the couch to stare her down, "she's two, you never treated Junichi like you do Yuuki. One would think you'd be overly protective of the first and more lax with the second."

"Junichi is a boy," she stated the blatant fact before looking over to her irate love, usually he was in a better mood but lately he had something always lighting his shorter and shorter fuse.

"_So_?"

She sighed before holding Yuuki just a bit tighter and kissing her on the forehead gently, "I have to worry more about our daughter than our son, she's a poor girl and cannot defend herself from the evils of," she pressed her lips, she couldn't say 'men' so, "the world. Junichi will be a strong man, he'll be fine. Yuuki… girl's are really like flowers, they are frail and must be protected or else…"

He flexed his brows, where'd that dread filled expression come from? How it ruined his wife's sweet features, she had always been overly protective of Yuuki and cried when she was born but he didn't think twice about it, she shed tears when Junichi was, too. Over the years, though, something was very different about the delicate way she went about tending to Yuuki compared to the equally loving way she did Junichi, he didn't believe his wife favored one over the other just… worried, a great deal, more so for their little girl than boy.

He pushed himself out of his seat to walk over and place a gentle hand on his wife's hip and another on the back of their daughter before placing a kiss upon his lover's forehead, "do you honestly think that _I_ would ever let anything happen to _our_ daughter? And, for that matter, you? Do you really think I would not go through hellfire and back for you two, and Junichi, too?"

Finally, he wiggled a smile out of her, the smile that warmed his heart and made her all the more beautiful, "I know," she whispered before leaning forward enough to kiss him softly on the lips, "I love you, and would do the same for you, honey."

"I know," he replied as he ran tentative fingers through their daughter's livid locks before sighing and stepping away, "I got to go, I'll be back by dinner."

"Wait!" Junichi whaled as he rushed down the stairs to collide into his father's legs and wrap his arms swiftly around them, "I want to go with you!"

"Why should I bring you with me when you won't listen to a word I tell you to do?" Inuyasha retorted as he wiggled his leg but failed to break free from his son's stubborn grasp, his golden gaze wondered up to his wonderful wife who was only a step away from breaking out into open laughter. She noticed his gaze and gave a shrug to his unspoken question.

"Please! I'll listen to you! I want to go with you! Please!"

He sighed as he reached out to the door, he meant to be a firm father and to make sure his word was final but… that didn't work out so well in practice, he more often than naught gave in, "fine, fine, I guess you can come visit grandpa, too. You better listen to me today or I swear to God I will sending you to live with Uncle Sesshomaru for a week."

"No! I'll listen, please, dad!" Junichi overly dramatically declared as he ran out the door, which sparked an agonizing groan from his father and a giggled 'follow him, already' from his mother.

[**…**]

You see, everything was going so grand, life was perfect, there was nothing more she could wish for, she had two cherished children, a loving husband, and a new family that accepted her fully since she produced the heir that the Tanaka named wanted so badly. Then… her world collided with the past she wanted to erase, that she had… had forgotten the best she could, it was really a slap in her face when she bore her husband a daughter, though he was rather giddy about it she was disappointed at first. Memories of the child that did not live mocked her for months until she could see her _second_ daughter as a different one, as _Inuyasha's_.

But then there was that ominous chuckle that caught her off guard on one of the few occasions that she was alone, without a protective husband or needy child, "found you."

There was no pretending, she didn't even need to turn around, that voice had been burned into her mind for all of eternity. Breathing was a challenged as a harsh hand grasped her shoulder and led her to a private area just outside the market place she was visiting, it was only then that he forced her to look at him and pushed her back to the wall, his eyes were as flaming as ever.

"I've been looking for you," he smirked as he set a hand by her head to lean close, _too_ close. He relished in the terror that shook her, that muted her so he could continue, "I went to Seijun and your family said that they have not seen or heard from you in _years_. It's cruel to abandon one's family like that, cousin."

Still, she could not form a responds.

"I saw you the other day, with that little boy of yours," she could feel her heart sink to her stomach as she glanced away, "would you like to know what else I learned while in Seijun, cousin? You should have sent notice to me that I had a child."

Her knees gave way but he held her up by pulling her to him, "he… he's not…" he couldn't think that Junichi was…? Could he? "He…"

"Perhaps our _daughter_ would not have died if you had told me she was on the way to start out with," he hissed in her ear. "Do you know what pisses me off more, cousin?" he inquired before pushing her up against the wall harshly and forcing her to look at him, "that you deny marrying _me_ to marry that _mutt_ and you bear him _two_ children instead of one _dead_ girl. He mustn't know, hm? That you were not pure when you wed, what would he do if he found out? Would he _leave_ you?" he taunted, his hot breath brushing against her cheek.

"He would, wouldn't he?"

She nodded meekly at that and locked her lips together all the more, yes, he would because then... he would learn that their marriage was built on a lie, even if she gave him two children she had not only been simply _tainted_ when he first slept with her but she had another _child_ and never told him. Heresy, that's what it was, and no one would think twice about him leaving her and taking their children with him. She'd never see any of them again…

"I won't expose you to your cherished husband, _cousin_," he grinned, "if you submit to my whim whenever I demand. I'll give you a day to make up your mind."

She fell to her knees when he let go of her and turned away, "oh, and, dear cousin, Jinsei is my new home. We'll be seeing a great deal of each other from now on."

When his footsteps faded into nothing she found herself keeling over to vomit… what was she to do?

[**…**]

The next twenty-four hours were the worst of her entire existence, at least that's what it felt like, her darling husband was busy at work most of the time and she pawned off their children for the time being to her temporary more capable sister-in-law, Junichi and Yuuki liked to play with their cousin Rin anyway. At first she couldn't do anything but sit on the cold ground and stare aimlessly at the wood, what was she to do? _What_?

Would it be better to keep her farce up and cheat on the man she loved more than life itself? To keep him happy thinking he was her one and only? When he never had been and never would be again? Was that somehow the right choice? It was so hard to breathe; the air was like acid to her lungs and bitter to her eyes. It wasn't happening, it wasn't… but hadn't she had a nice run? Who would have thought she would have gotten away with five years of joy with a man she _did not_ deserve?

A man who's heart would be broken maybe as much as his pride, his honor, his trust because she was a thief, a liar, and a harlot? How could she do such a thing to him? But if she hadn't she would never have had Junichi or Yuuki…

She couldn't, there was no way she could ever allow that disgusting man to touch her again. _Never_. Not only would she want to burn every bit of skin he dared to caress and vomit all over again at just the _thought_ but it would not be fair to her husband. He deserved to know the truth… after all the years of deceit, perhaps it would even lift the burden she always felt weighing her soul down? She had been happy, so happy, all these years but she had never given up on guilt, she had always hated herself for what she did to him and tried her best to make it up by being a better wife—but how can one even be a good wife when all was built on a lie?

It was certain, he needed to know… and it would be best if she was the one to confess her sins to him.

Goodbye, pretty lie of a life.

[**…**]

"Tanaka Inuyasha?" the monster inquired with a false grin, he had been waiting just outside one of the many building's that the Tanaka family owned and caught the hanyou as soon as he exited the building, the sky had already faded to black long ago.

"Who are you?" Inuyasha retorted in a grunt.

"Onigumo Naraku," he bowed his head slightly, "I was wondering if you have the time for a drink."

"I don't," he grumbled, not only did he not know the man but he was later than usual to get home, he hadn't seen Kagome or his children all day, he had left before either was awake.

"Reconsider?" Naraku kept up as he stepped in the hanyou's way, "I'm eager to get to know my cousin's husband."

That got his ears to twitch and gaze to fixate on the man that appeared at first sight like a normal elite, not the slimy creature he truly was, "you… are related to Kagome?"

"We are distant cousins, I haven't seen her in so long, I just arrived in town today and saw her, she told me you worked here and that it would be fine if we familiarized ourselves over a drink."

He did have Kagome's faint, delicate, scent on him, and why would he lie? So he shrugged his shoulders and let the man lead him to a bar and order a set of drinks, "besides Kaede, I've never met her family."

"Kaede?" Naraku mused after his first sip, "ah, the old seamstress."

"How are you related to Kagome, again?"

"The Higurashi and Onigumo family merged through marriage a few generations ago, I did not know Kagome until she came to work on my property in the east… it was so long ago."

"Higurashi… you mean Hayashi," he corrected.

"I can't be certain how the Higurashi and Hayashi family are related," Naraku countered with a grin, "but I can guarantee you that your wife is a Higurashi. I hear the rumor that she is the grand-daughter of that old woman, but it's a lie. I know her mother, I know her grandfather, I know her _father_, and brother, too."

"You're lying," Inuyasha snarled as he swiftly stood up, "Kagome wouldn't—"

"You know nothing of your wife," Naraku asserted with a smirk as he raised his glass for another swig, "where did she tell you she was from? I bet she didn't tell you it was Seijun, did she? What has she told you of her parents? They are living there still."

He shook his head as he clutched the chair he once sat in, "you are lying."

"Ask her yourself," he shrugged, "she won't lie if you say 'Seijun', do you know what else you don't know about your most precious Kagome?'

"You are full of shit," Inuyasha growled, "stop talking _now_."

"I took her innocence long before you," he stated with the most disturbing gleam in his red eyes, "we even had a daughter together." He had to pause and watch as shook set in on the stupid hanyou before him, "she left, abandoned everyone, after our child passed. She didn't really care. She just came here to ensnare a new husband, _you_."

Promptly, Inuyasha responded with a fist to the liar's face. The bastard didn't see that coming and fell to the ground only for the assault to continue, he grasped the gloating man's shirt collar and kept hitting him over and over again until his knuckles were bloodied and scratched.

[**…**]

"What else would you have me do?" Inuyasha snarled, he couldn't seem to stay still, he kept pacing all about the luxurious room, shaking his fist that was bruised and battered over and over again all the while.

"_Not_ beat a man a fraction away of death," his father retorted, "that would have been nice."

"He was spreading lies about my wife! He was saying disgusting things about Kagome! It's my duty to protect her _and_ her honor!"

His father sighed as he leaned back in his seat, "were they lies, Inuyasha?"

"She's my wife! Do you think I'm _that_ stupid that I wouldn't know if she was innocent or not? I know she was, for a _fact_, I'm the one that took it. That man has no claim, she's a Hayashi, ask Kaede, she'll tell you what she told me. She's the daughter of _her_ daughter, Kikyou."

"Yes," Inu no Taisho mused, he had heard the very same. Kikyou had died giving birth to her daughter, Kagome, at least that's what Kaede claimed, and so she grew up with her father until his death when she moved to train to take over the shop her grandmother tended to. "Hayashi-san is a respectable woman; I trust her word to be the truth."

"Then will you let me go!? It's midnight; I haven't seen Kagome all day, so she must be worried."

"Well," Inu no Taisho dragged out as he folded his hands in his lap, "I have the power to throw this Onigumo fellow out of town—"

"I want him in jail."

"Inuyasha," he grunted, "he has not broken any law, you on the other hand—"

"He lies about my wife! What if he returns to bother her?"

Again, he earned a sigh out of his father, "I will look into what I can do about that."

"Thank you," he whispered.

That earned his father's complete attention, his golden orbs widened at the sincerity behind his usually bothersome son' stone. It was only fair, he always thought, that Junichi was a handful since Inuyasha was such a hassle as a child, too. In truth, he encouraged Junichi's behavior to get back at Inuyasha a little. "You love her a great deal," he mused, "I am fond of her, as well, I doubt any other woman would have been able to tame you like her… I will do my best, if you think he is truly lying—"

"He _is_. Junichi was her first child, I'm the only man she's ever been with, look at her, can you honestly think that she would do such a thing to me?" Inuyasha asked, "no, she never would. And if she ever had a child that passed?" he shook his head, "she would never get over it, she would give up on life. She's a bleeding heart, if nothing else you have to accept that. You see the way she fawns over Yuuki, if she ever had a girl die… even I don't think I could mend her."

That had the great dog demon to pause for a moment before he shut his eyes and nodded, "that is true. I will do everything in my power, do not worry."

"Thank you," he repeated, it was a rarity that he ever _thanked_ anyone; it was a miracle to hear it twice.

"You're welcome," his father replied a smile, he could get used to hearing it, though.

[**…**]

Since the sun set she had been sitting in her son's room where both of her children slept that night, every now and then she'd gently run her fingers through their hair or kissed them, memorizing every bit of them so she would never forget… she could sit there all night, just watching them sleep so safely in Junichi's bed, she wanted to hold them, to shower them with kisses, but that would bother their slumber so she had to hold back.

Why… was he so late? He rarely ever stayed out until well into the evening, let alone midnight, without warning her in advance that he would—and even then, it was an uncommon event. She shut her eyes and held her breath when she heard the front door open and shut, he was home, finally… it was time to come clean, time to tell him everything, so she planted what might be the last kiss upon each of their foreheads before closing the door gently and going to the head of the stairs. Somehow, she wasn't surprised to see him standing at the bottom with his arms in their signature state and his eyes fixated blankly on her.

Neither bothered to say anything until she reached one stair from the bottom, "Inuyasha… Inuyasha, I…" she bit her lips together and looked away, a twinge of tears threatened to break free but _no_ she swore she would not cry, this was all her fault, she hadn't a right, "I… have something I need to… I… Inuyasha, I," but before she could form a single functional sentence he placed his hands upon her lips.

"I know."

She shook her head, there was _no_ way he knew but she couldn't mumble anything.

"I knew the first time that it wasn't yours, I'm not a fool, I could tell. Kagome, I have two questions for you and then this is done."

This, _them_, they would be done… after just two questions? She shut her eyes and grasped his hand into both of hers to pry it away from his lips, "I'm… sorry."

"Do you love me?"

"More than anything…" she assured with a nod but the mother in her had to add, "well, besides Yuuki and Junichi..."

He nodded as he took his hand from hers, "that man, Onigumo Naraku…"

She had worried that that bastard would go and tell Inuyasha anyway, she had sneaking suspicion that giving her a day didn't mean anything good and the longer Inuyasha did not come home… the more she was certain, "… yes?"

"You didn't want him to touch you ever, did you?"

She shook her head over and over again; she couldn't keep the tears from falling no matter how hard she sealed her lids together. The next thing she knew, she felt him pull her off the stairs and into his arms.

"All will be fine, I love you, it's alright, shush, stop crying, you know how I feel about that," he murmured as he held her tighter.

"Why?" She gasped in between sobs, "why…?"

"Why didn't I throw you away if I knew all along?" he guessed and felt her nod against his chest, "because I wasn't lying when I said I loved you. You were so… scared the first time, like you earnestly hadn't any idea what was going on, I knew I wasn't your first but that didn't mean you were loose or anything. I figured you only did it once with one other person… and while I've wanted to find and _kill_ that person all these years I could settle with the fact that _you_ are _mine_. I don't regret it, either; if I had let it get to me we wouldn't have either of our children."

"Did," she sniffled as she pulled away to look up into his eyes, "did… he tell you about…?"

"Did you really have a kid with him?"

She swallowed back the lump that had formed in her throat and let her gaze fall to his chest, honestly, that was the last thing she wanted to talk about, if she was to lie about anything it would be _that_ but… "my father sent me out when I was just sixteen to go work at the plantation that… that…"

"He owned?" Neither wanted to say his name.

She nodded, "he just wanted me to marry into money so that our family could get out of," she pressed her lips together before glancing to his gaze again, "I'm not obaa-san's granddaughter."

"I… know," there scents were alike enough to be but… if everything else was right that the monster had told him he had figured that was, too.

"I'm from a very small village in the countryside called Seijun and my father just wanted to get out of there, to have some prestigious title or something and so he sent me to that man… where I'm from people court each other in an _innocent_ fashion and it's unheard of for a man to… do anything to a woman, I didn't know people did such things… no one warned me. I didn't know… I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want…"

"It's alright," he murmured as he pulled her close again.

"I left after… and I went home, my father yelled at me," she muttered, "he said I should have married him… then I had… I never named her, I didn't want her, does that make me a terrible person?"

"No."

"I was sad when she died, I cried, I didn't want her to… but I believe she's in a better place, that she never had to deal with hardships and died with real innocence. That's why I can cope with it…"

"That's why you are so protective of Yuuki, eh?"

"I don't want the same things that happened to me to befall upon her," she whispered back.

"We won't let that happen," he promised as he kissed the top of her head, "today's been…"

"Hell?" she grumbled.

"Exactly," he couldn't have said it better himself, so he pulled away just enough to sweep her into his arms to carry her to their bedroom, "let's go to sleep tonight. We'll work anything else out tomorrow."

[**…**]

"I don't know," she whispered as she tightened her grasp around her husband's arm, "I don't think… I really want to, let's go."

"It took us _five_ days to get here and _now_ you decided you want to chicken out?" he countered stiffly, tugging her along with his arm, "not happening."

"No," she whined, "_please_? I want to go, I don't want—"

"Shut up," he grunted.

"Daddy!" Junichi gasped as he grasped his mother's dress all the more, "you aren't supposed to say that!"

"Yes, daddy," she jested back with narrowed hazels, "you aren't supposed to say that."

"Mommy's not supposed to go back on her word, either," he retorted only to feel a lock of his silver tresses get swiftly yanked, he sucked in his breath and bit down his growl before looking to his little girl in his arms, "I love you, Yuuki, but stop doing that."

She just giggled, automatically slaughtering any anger that festered in his chest, she was too adorable, he couldn't stay mad when she was there.

"Let's go," Kagome whispered as she took a step back and tugged on Inuyasha's arm, "please, before—"

"Kagome?" An awe-struck gasp caught her attention; she cringed before looking over to the boy that… wasn't really a boy anymore.

"Souta?" she gasped, he was so tall now, what happened to the little boy that used to spend all his time playing games?

"Kagome!" He shouted as he ran over to wrap his arms around her, "it really is you! You came home finally! I'm been so worried! I have to introduce you to my wife," he declared as he pulled away to grasp her shoulders, "you remember Hiromi?"

"Of the…" she paused for a moment, "Akimoto family?"

"Yes, the second oldest daughter, right, we got married recently."

"Really, oh, Souta, that's wonderful, I'm so glad."

"Oh," Souta murmured when he noticed those around her, the little children that stared up at him with utter confusion and the man by her side that kept evaluating him with his golden gaze, "I'm Higurashi Souta, who are you…?"

"Tanaka Inuyasha," he replied.

"Yuuki!" The little amber eyed girl declared the best she could, which wasn't so grand but good enough.

"I'm Junichi," the jittery boy boasted, "why do you know my mama?"

"Ma…?" Souta barely got out before gawking up at his sister, "you got married?"

"Yes, a while back… I just," she pressed her lips before taking her brothers hands, "I'm sorry, you all must have been worried, hm?"

"I don't blame you for not coming back," he muttered, his matching hazels avoided hers, "I wouldn't if I were you…"

"So… is everyone home?"

"Mom is, grandpa is, but dad…" he shook his head with a roll of his eyes, "he left a while ago."

"When will he be back?" She half-grumbled, every bit of her wished to be away before he returned.

"Let's see… it's going on four years now, so I'm going to have to guess," he coaxed out, "never."

"_What_?"

"He thought he could make it on his own out in the world, we haven't heard from him, stupid as—" he cleared his throat when he remembered the children, "person, stupid person."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I'm sorry," Kagome repeated over and over again and she lifted her hands to cover her mouth, _he_ was the person that truly kept her away.

"It's OK, mom will be _really _happy to see you and," he smiled down to the child that was itching to run about the luscious fields, "her grandchildren."

She'd move her family to Jinsei to take care of them, to allow them to be close to her and her children; Souta would get a job working for Inuyasha and make a better life for his family than their father ever provided for them. Of course, they had to fib and say that Souta was her cousin and her mother was her aunt but no one really questioned anything, no one really cared.

Her only son and final daughter still called Souta 'uncle' and her mother 'grandma' and her grandfather 'grandpa'.

Best of all, Inu no Taisho came through in the end and found a way to make Onigumo Naraku 'disappear' so that he would never bother them again.

Through all of her tribulations, the maiden that was once void of joy learned that sometimes happily ever after does exist.

* * *

**A/N:** OK, so the first chapter was heavily influenced by _Tess of the d'Urbervill_es by Thomas Hardy and parts of the rest of it were, too. I was forced to read the book back in high school and it's stuck with me the entire time. I hated the book, with passion, but a book's supposed to spark passion in you, right? So I respect it and the author. It's just... it left such a bitter aftertaste and terrible annoyance in my heart all this time so I decided to rewrite it in a way to give it the ending I wished it had. I know it was so real and all and that happily ever afters do not really exist in _real-life_ but... that's why fiction is so much more enjoyable.

I hope you enjoyed and please continue to review, thank you for reading~


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